


The Price Of Edge

by ChingKittyCat



Series: Nightmare's Cat [1]
Category: Hoshi no Kaabii | Kirby: Right Back at Ya!, Kirby - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Dead People, Edgy, Gen, Non-Graphic Violence, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 23:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19119670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChingKittyCat/pseuds/ChingKittyCat
Summary: It's just the usual scene around here for CS— his boss does something or buys something that really makes him groan. This time really isn't any different, and honestly he should be numb to this stuff by now.-Rated Teen for edge.





	The Price Of Edge

   "I want a new throne."

   eNeMeE spoke behind him, instantly telling CS to swivel his chair around to face him. There was a small bit of contempt on CS's face, not for the wizard, but for his demand.

   "Sir, you already have a throne and you hardly use it."

   "I want a new one."

   eNeMeE repeated, more harshly. There was a slight rumble in his throat, showing his agitation at being questioned. CS immediately remembered who he was talking to and adjusted himself accordingly, becoming nervous almost instantaneously.

   "I-I'll put in a order for one. Do you have any specifications?"

   The wizard made a weird gruff noise in response at first, looking down at CS. Maybe if he didn't have his cape wrapped around himself he would've put a hand to his chin to look like he was thinking.

   "I want it made out of bodies."

   eNeMeE smiled widely. It was a good thing CS could lock a smile on his face because otherwise he would've made a very foul, very unnerved expression. Though, chances are, the guy was already eating his fear.

   "Bodies?? Sir??"

   "I won a war, I'm a fear demon, and I'm the emperor of darkness and the universe and all of everything. All of that means I deserve a throne made out of bodies, it's basically my brand to be scary and nothing is scarier than a throne made of bodies."

   "Should.. They be alive or.."

   "No??" eNeMeE sounded befuddled by CS's question, "A throne of bodies is made out of dead ones."

   CS kept his smile on his face even though he really felt like grimacing. He was fine with being one to order monsters to kill people, or for employees to get rid of people, but to directly and literally have a bunch of dead bodies down here with him? Fashioned into a chair? It was creepy, and his stomach didn't take well to the idea.

   "Uhm.. Can we compromise and turn them into statues?" CS was growing more and more clammy— metaphorically, really, he couldn't actually sweat.

   "No." eNeMeE scowled.

   "What about turning them to dust?"

   "No!"

   "..Can we transmute them into gold bars or bricks and make the throne out of that?"

   "No!!"

   eNeMeE exploded, nearly shaking the command center from the sheer volume and power. CS was shaking regardless, getting the idea through his thick skull to not question the request of his boss anymore.

   "O-Okay, do you want the bodies-"

   "Just regular dead bodies shaped into a chair, are you thick!?"

   As funny as the insult might've been, CS didn't laugh. He simply shook his head sheepishly, which seemed to calm his boss down. He sighed out as the wizard returned to a more normal smile.

   "It'll be expensive."

   "Just put out an advertisement for people who want to meet me, have them pay tickets, then kill them and put them in the throne. There. Their bodies get to meet me and we don't lose money."

   Not that it actually mattered to this guy if he was spending abhorrent amounts of money anyways— he gave CS an eight digit paycheck every month, there was no possible scale at which he could ever spend his money to the point where he'd bankrupt the company. This throne, even at the cost that CS had estimated in his brain, was like taking less than a drop of water from an ocean.

   "I'll estimate an advertising campaign for that. You'll get your throne soon, sir."

 

* * *

 

   CS had literally nothing to do with the throne other than giving out the order for it to be made and then making sure at the end of the day it existed. So, yes, he was obligated to go see that it was indeed there when the quote-unquote builders and their foreman had said it was indeed completed.

   Even if he wasn't obligated to go see, he was sure his boss would've taken him anyways. Because that's what he was doing right now. He'd grabbed CS like an icecream cone and brought him over for the ribboncuttng. CS got a nice, high nightmarish view of what that room had in store for him and oh boy.

   Oh boy.

   When those doors opened, the thing that was behind it was far from impressive. Due to the fact that bodies were soft and squishy and also didn't really stay in square shapes, the entire thing had the anatomy of a bunch of really sloppy looking hills. It was essentially multiple pyramids of dead things made to look as if it were a seat, but it was pathetic in most senses of the term.

   The back of the throne was just a big lump, as were the arm rests. But oh man, that was sight was nothing compared to the stench. It had rushed out like a caged animal, straight into the faces of all the people who stood infront of the room. If CS had tearducts they'd surely be watering. He covered up his nostrils and mouth the best he could, trying to keep any bile he had inside of him.

   eNeMeE had laughed at the sight at first, then he seemingly actually caught the smell of the dozens of rotting creatures. The wizard's evil chuckles devolved into gagging and retching. The door to the throne room shut at the first sign of the wizard's clear revolt. The others who'd been mandated to join for the reveal had similar experiences to both CS and his boss, though they were much closer to the floor.

   Thankfully, ventilation was great down in deep management, and the recovery was a lot quicker than one would expect. That, and no janitors were needed, thank goodness.

   "Why's it smell so awful?"

   eNeMeE sounded much more humble than he should've, but CS sounded the same.

   "Dead things rot, sir, and when they rot they smell bad. Just one dead body is bad enough, but there's millions in there."

   "I know that, I'm not dumb. I've been around dead things, I was in a war," He'd hissed. "I just want a throne made of dead bodies, not the smell."

   "The smell comes with it," it wouldn't have come with if the blasted idiot had just gone with any of CS's far better, far more politically correct and 'investor friendly' ideas, "there's nothing we can do about it other than try to pump the room full of chemicals to mask it."

   "Do that, then."

   "I was told they did."

   The wizard groaned at CS's statement.

   "If I may ask, sir, why did you even want a throne of bodies in the first place?"

   There was a bit of a silence, and the wizard looked like he was thinking about something.

   "Well, lets pretend someone implied that I needed to be edgier because I hadn't really done any killing since the war," eNeMeE began and CS was already knitting his brow in frustration, "what better way to prove them wrong and show that I'm edgy better than a throne of dead people?"

   "Did Meta Knight say that no one takes you seriously again, sir."

   "He implied it, he didn't really say it."


End file.
